Apr 2, 2009


There has been some popular demand for more tips from my Guide to Being the Ultimate Wingman. And by "popular demand" I mean I assume there is popular demand and y'all are just shy. But I have interpreted your bashfulness, my friends, and I offer you some more helpful tips:

Tip #17


A nod’s as good as a wink to a blind man, but you must be able to communicate non-verbally with your buddy in the heat of battle. Beer in the left hand= we stay put. Beer in the right= we’re moving on to the next table. (And if your friend is drinking white zin instead of beer, he deserves to go home alone.)

Tip #53

He’s cooped up in front of video games and Seinfeld reruns, wearing Doritos-stained sweatpants and a frown. Your job is to get him back in the game. Pump up his confidence, spray him down with some Axe, and get him back out there. He may look like George Costanza, but you’ll convince him he’s George Clooney.

Tip #31

A good wingman knows both his own limits as well as the limits of his friend. Beer. Water. Beer. Water… and so on. An exemplary wingman will not drink at all, serving as his friend’s driver, eyes, confidant and conscience all at once. This level of sacrifice earns a wingman his wings, and a friend knows that payback will be of the highest order--such as helping the wingman move at a later date.

This Saturday is your last chance to see
opera's ultimate wingman Figaro!

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